MUSHROOM KINGDOM – A well known Italian plumber was arrested in February after putting on a doctor’s coat and prescribing a variety of colorful medication. Authorities revealed that Mario [last name unknown] could even distribute the questionable pills through an illegal superpower. Going by the name 'Dr. Mario', he was eventually outed as a fraud when a Goomba came forward, complaining that the medication had made him sprout wings.
"I was just looking for a solid multi-vitamin," said the Goomba. "He fired the medicine at me and the wings sprouted. I started to fly away. I didn't know what was going on; I had never had wings before. Having these things isn't everything it's cracked up to be. My relatives are always trying to get flights from me. Anyway, Mario's actions were despicable."
Police found the culprit in a nearby castle trying to shoot pills at an innocent Koopa Troopa, who also ended up testifying in court. Mario, with the help of 100 coins, easily posted bail to await trial.
The trial was short. The judge was very confused why such a successful handyman would even want to pretend to be a physician. It didn't make sense and Mario did not have an explanation for this. A guilty verdict and one-year prison sentence were quickly announced.
“Let’sa go!” Mario shouted to the bailiff. He was ushered out of the courtroom. Later in the day, he was taken by the police to the prison, where he was processed and led to his cell. But the story doesn't end there.
The warden and the prison staff were unaware of the plumber’s skills. They had realized that he had been convicted in association with pretending to be a doctor but were oblivious to his true profession. He had even worked on the pipes at the prison. While on bail prior to the trial, he had secretly had the pipe layout tattooed on his body. For these reasons, Mario’s incarceration was short lived.
The Italian waited until nighttime. When he was confident that his cell mate Waluigi was sleeping, he unscrewed the toilet from the wall and entered the system. It was time for an escape. When he reached a pipe big enough to fit in, he entered [sound pipe entering noise].
Mario trudged and crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of foulness I can’t even imagine...or maybe I just don’t want to. Five hundred yards…that’s the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile.
Authorities have yet to apprehend Mario, who is expected to be armed with fire flower power and the ability to jump on people’s heads. Those who see the plumber are instructed to call the police and to stay away at all costs. Mario was last seen in the Donut Plains area after stealing a green dinosaur-like creature named Yoshi.
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